Die Nationalzeit
Am ehrlichsten Nachrichten in dem Reich
Ifereich grieves for President Kayode
MITTWOCH, 26. APRIL 2017 - VON FRIDA OMOLARA
IFE - The funeral ceremony began at sunrise. With all motor traffic in the city shut down, neon signs and lighting turned off, and black banners hanging from the windows and the balconies above, an army of mourners, ten thousand strong, slowly processed down the wide, empty avenues in silence. Loudspeakers on every corner broadcast the Schlagzeuger's call: a rhythmic drumming calling all to order, then the sorrowful cry in traditional Yoruba- "Kayode is dead!"
The hearse led the main procession's feet and tears down Independence Avenue. Flanked by a company of the 3rd Guard Regiment of the Republiksarmee, it pulled off the avenue and onto the open and empty Revolution Square, today less of an inspiring monument and more of a mourning one. Behind the rope fencing, the crowds quickly packed the square to its absolute maximum, each pair of eyes looking for one last time on their most beloved leader.
Kayode's wife Gertrud stepped out from a black limousine trailing the hearse, a veil holding back her grief. She looked stoically on to the Hall of Heroes, where its around-the-clock garrison had waited for the funeral's arrival. The captain of the guard came down the steps, medals and epaulets bouncing on his chest, and marched towards her. Passing the company of funeral guards, he quickly saluted them, then produced a bronze key from his jacket. He stopped when he reached Gertrud and, after pausing for a few brief words of consolation, passed the key to her. She accepted it graciously, and they both walked back towards the Hall of Heroes, the hearse and guards following them.
Beneath the Hall, at the side of the massive marble steps, stood the impregnable steel door to the tomb. Gertrud placed the key into the keyhole at the center and unlocked it. The guards marched over, each placing their hands against one side of the circular monolith, and pushed with all their might to roll it out from the entrance and open the tomb. The dust had piled high in 38 years. Next they formed two columns flanking the entrance while the hearse began unloading its hallowed cargo. Kayode's closest friends, representatives of the Assembly and childhood friends alike, shouldered his mahogany coffin and carried it towards the tomb. The guards turned about, facing outward from the entrance, and their commander barked orders to make ready. As the coffin passed them, they began firing the 21-gun salute, three times in all. As the smoke cleared, the pallbearers had clambered into the tomb, and President Hans Thomas Kayode passed from life into history.
The tomb was sealed, just as it was opened, and Gertrud helped to tearfully lock it again before surrendering the key back to the captain of the guard. As the hearse and car and military men left the square, the crowd finally broke its silence with tears and painful cries and horrid wailing. Their emotions out-poured, they solemnly filed out of the square, and by 8 AM, the ceremonies were over.
In an emergency meeting of the Citizen Assembly, many members exhorted their most sincere condolences, but recognized the pressing need for a replacement. By a near-unanimous vote, 92 to 8, the Assembly voted for a snap popular election for the President. The election has been scheduled for the 26th of May. While no politicians have announced their candidacy, it can be expected that the current leaders of each party in the Assembly- Georg Eniola of the Nationalfreiheitpartei (NFP) and Alfred Augustin Babatunde of the Einigkeitspartei (EKP)- will announce their candidacy in the coming days.
Eniola, if he does decide to run, is considered almost unanimously by pundits to be the favorite to win. In particular, Babatunde's EKP has been criticized for its radical policy platform, which includes higher taxes on the rich and corporations, an exponential growth in the size of the government, and most inflammatory, the nationalization of many private industries, including the largest sector of the economy, mining. Eniola, in contrast, would promise a continuation of Kayode's policies and the safety and stability he gave our nation for well over a quarter-century.
The 2017 presidential candidates on the issues
DONNERSTAG, 4. MAI 2017 - VON KURT AYODELE
While Ifereich grieves for the loss of its beloved President Heinrich Kayode, two men are preparing themselves for the ultimate contest of wits, the snap presidential election called in the wake of Kayode's burial. Their names are Georg Eniola, a moderate representing Kayode's own Nationalfreiheitspartei (NFP), and Alfred Augustin Babatunde, the mind behind the extreme Einigkeitspartei (EKP). In anticipation for the first presidential debate on May 22, we at the Nationalzeit present to you, the prospective voter, these two men's stances on the issues which will matter most at the ballot box.
On economic policy, both men promise a new birth of economic prosperity for Ifereich. Eniola, following Kayode's precedent, wishes to expand the nation's most profitable industry, the mining industry, by reducing already-low corporate taxes and loosening overly-restrictive land use policy that prohibits mining in some of the most mineral-rich departments of the country. "What benefits these businesses, whose profits overwhelmingly are our own, will clearly benefit each and even citizen of the Reich," he stated in a March speech to the Citizen Assembly. Babatunde, on the other hand, takes the most strongly-opposed stance to Eniola's. Speaking to supporters in the mining town of Lado, he defamed the mining corporations as "the legal instruments of slavery," highlighting his party's allegations of exploitation of workers by domestic and international firms alike, claims which our economic expert, Gunther Olufemi, has said “blow out of proportion and factually distort anecdotal disciplinary actions on the worksite.” Furthermore, Babatunde staunchly stands by his party’s commitment to nationalize the entire mining industry, the second-most common issue respondents had with his platform in our Monday poll.
Babatunde wishes to nationalize the mining industry for his social policies, which are a radical departure from anything else seen in national politics. He plans a welfare program for the impoverished, which if implemented exactly to his specifications, would quintuple the annual budget for the national government. The only way he can avoid quintupling the tax burden on the citizens of Ifereich is to nationalize the nation’s most profitable industry, likely forcing a complete stop on economic growth in the short term. In the long term, the consequences of stunted economic growth could be catastrophic to our developing nation. Babatunde’s welfare program includes provisions such as adequate access to food and medicine for every individual man, woman, and child; which, while noble in theory, would be impossibly difficult to execute, even without mentioning the many ways such a monolithic expansion of bureaucracy could be exploited or corrupted. Eniola strongly rejects such careless, desperate measures, while at the same time understanding dealing with the struggle of poverty and malnutrition is Ifereich’s greatest policy issue. Instead, he maintains that employment is a far better and preferable alternative to welfare, and inseparably binds his economic policy of expanding economic activity in the mining industry and across all other sectors to his social policy.
When we arrive at foreign policy, Babatunde only spells disaster for Ifereich’s economy, according to our chief foreign affairs correspondent Elena Idowu. “Our nation lives or dies off its exports,” she said, replying to Babatunde’s comments about the unnecessarily subservient role the government takes to other nations in trade. “We sell the riches of the earth, riches we have little use for ourselves. Babatunde’s protectionist position on trade means he will raise tariffs on foreign goods if he is elected.” Not only will this make everything from soda to gasoline more expensive for the common citizen, but it will threaten our trading relationship with nations around the world as well, who may raise tariffs on Ifereich’s mineral exports in response to a hostile Babatunde. Idowu goes on to mention how Babatunde even manages to contradict himself: “He stated he would ‘increase foreign investment into our infrastructure’ while raising tariffs against those same foreigners at the same time. What incentive is there for them to buy our goods when we raise tariffs against theirs, let alone when we ask them for development aid?” Idowu, in contrast, praises Eniola’s continuation of Kayode’s foreign policy, which she hails as “not only the best course of action, but the only course of action for Ifereich in foreign affairs.” Kayode’s policy included opening the country to free trade with all without tariffs, a program which would actually inspire other nations to consider investing in Ifereich’s development and infrastructure programs, if the Eniola government elected to pursue that agenda.
The constraints of this election, and his steady trail behind Eniola (12 points behind, according to our weekly tracking poll on Monday), may force Babatunde to reconsider some of his stances. If not, however, he will face off with this platform against Eniola in the first and second presidential debates, held on May 22nd and May 24, two and four days respectively before the election. As the candidates prepare to tour the country, hosting rallies and delivering speeches, prospective voters will have to watch carefully for any shifts in rhetoric from either man. Of course, we here at the Nationalzeit will always be there to report to you only the most truthful stories from the election.
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